I can't believe Im going to see this man - this SEX!!! - IRL the 10th of April. I will be dead oh yes I will......
Find the rest here

My granddad died last week. I'm okay with it. We've actually been waiting for it for more than 20 years. I still cant believe he kept hanging in there, not being able to have any kinda life. Couldnt see, smell, hear or walk around and after an aneurysm or two he couldnt even understand us anymore. The last 5 years, he didnt even know that Ive been to visit, cuz he didnt recognize me. It's a relief to us all - especially my mum I think.

Funeral is tomorrow. He was 91 y.o.

[	mood	|	aggravated	]
[	music	|	My Chemical Romance - Drowning Lessons	]

I HATE having heartaces about someone I've never even meet....stupid Gerard Way

Life generally sux these days. I know its my journal and if you dont want to read about me whining all the time you can skip or cut my from your flist, but still, I dont want to write whiny stuff every single day. I'll be putting you down as well - if you deside on reading it. So I havent. But today I will.

It's been a long time since my last entry. Im on new drugs and still getting used to them. Ive just gone from wanting-to-kill-everyone fase to the wanna-lay-in-bed-and-cry fase.

I broke with my father about 4 years ago because he seemed little interested in my living or dying and I was tired of getting sick to my stomach waiting for the next time he desided to phone me and act like he cared. Going through all this shit has really made me miss him tho. He was always the one with the advice, even tho he was a drunk. But Ciro one day asked if he should call him up and let him know about everything going on with me and see what would happen. And I agreed, clinging to hope. He phoned me New Years day and seemed regretful and acting like he wanted to make amends. He asked if I would agree to meet him, and I did. He told me he would call in a few days when New Years was over. I was happy and relieved......he hasn't called me back.

It's tearing me apart and I feel to stupid for thinking this time would be any different and so agry at my self for letting him hurt me once again. And still Im hoping he will call.....but when is it too late? When will I stop letting him hurt me?

Xmas was good. We had my mum and Arne over and we had a peaceful and loving evening together.

New Years was great. Mum, Arne, Malene and Morten joined us and we had another loving night. There was so much fog tho you could hardly see any of the fireworks...but we were together and it was good.

The inbetween totally sucked. Big fight with Ciros family - turned out to be a misunderstanding but the consecuenses was I broke down for 3 days and did nothing much besides shake and cry.

Life is so hard these days and I feel like it just keeps bringing me down. If it wasnt for Ciro, Malene and my mum, I didnt know what to do. Well I did and it wouldnt be pretty. I just wish I'll get better soon. At least I've lost 5 pounds since New Years, giving up the soda....that something. But man, its hard!!

I've burried myself with skinning and I made an amazing Elijah the other day...what do you think?

I never liked the first version, but you live and learn and Ive gotten better since.

I'm sorry I havent replied on anything the last month or so but now you know why. I'm still lurking around. Thanks to justinetre I havent missed out as much as I could have. I hope you're all doing well ands I miss you all very much. You're always welcome to IM me when Im online. I swear Im not this much of a bummer when you talk to me. I use the LJ to get my problems out - I might come off like that. But I can still laugh and Im always there for a chat.

[	mood	|	energetic	]
[	music	|	Count on my Love - Liz Phair	]

I just found this really great site www.pandora.com - what it does is you enter an artist or a song and it recommends simular music so you can expand your horisont. Very interesting *goes back to check it out some more*

I spent the entire evening cleaning and sorting things around the appartment after watching Serenity. It should be illigal having that much energy this time a night O.o
Also....Serenity? Not that good a movie and not good to watch when you're tired.....

[	mood	|	confused	]
[	music	|	Anouk - Lost	]

So....busy busy busy. It's my bday in TWO DAYS!!!

I've had sooo much to do lately. Okay so ehm...last Saturday we went to Ciro's mums 60's b-day. It was an okay night, besides I was freaking for the first part of it and his mum kept pressuring me about having kids and I started shaking and yada yada. But then I got to talk to his aunt, Linda, and the rest of the night was fun.

Monday his parrents came here for dinner along with his aunt from Italy. It was so great to see her again...and weird to see her here in Denmark O.o It's the first time she's been here. The night went well - had a great time. Was a bit tired from all the cooking, cleaning and what not.

We've been babysitting C's parrents cat for the last 2 weeks. He's being picked up in an hour. I'm NOT looking forward to that. I love him so much and the appartment will be so empty without him.

Speaking of empty. Our hamster, Frodo, died yesterday. MY hamster. He'd been sick for 2 weeks but the vet said it wasnt bad. We were going to take him to the vet again today but when we came to check on him yesterday, he was gone. We didnt think it was so bad. He was weezing, but eating and drinking and looked okay. But now he's gone.

I went to see GoF Wednesday last week. I really liked it but I still think PoA is a bit better....but then I've only seen GoF once so I might be wrong. My rule - you need to see a movie tweize to make a decision about it.

What else did I do...hmmm.....Thursday we watched The Cave - I like The Descent better tho it's almost the same bloody movie O.o 40 Year Old Virgin on the other hand it freaking brilliant!!! I've watched so many movies laterly I cant keep track of them >.< Saturday we were supposed to go to the woods but I'd kept Ciro up all night with my snoring. I think it's the sleeping pills. Seems everytime I take them Im snoring like 10 fullgrown men and when I dont, I hardly snore at all.....ANNOYING! So we stayed at home and I let Ciro sleep late. Malene and Thomas came over at night and we watched 40YOV. Yesterday I actually had a really good day. We had great sex the night before and I woke with a smile on my face. We were having one of my fav dishes for dinner and we were happy and wellrested and had Bimbo and everything seemed perfect and then Frodo died. But comfort sex is also very good sex and good food helped a little and the fact we were allowed to keep Bimbo one more day helped a bit too. But I cried and I miss him and it's weird the cage is gone.

Good news is I found the PERFECT...lemme repeat...PEEEERFECT xmas pressent for Malene and NO...I wont say what it is! MWAHA cuz you'll prolly read this and think HAHA she's gonna spoil it but NOOO *snigger* omg I have a big secret *flails* Imma burst!!!

Im tired today. I've make 16 skins over 2 days and Im so not gonna make anymore for a week fer sure *will prolly fai. in keeping that promise* I dreamt last night Lij almost got killed in an accident with a house exploding and he was right outside the window nad he fell 2 floors. His face was cut from all the glass and I held him in my arms and I was so scared. I have one of those period where I dream the most intense dreams. Yesterday it was me meeting Orlando, who was totally pissed and Kate and I had a coversation with Orli that didnt make much sense cuz he was drunk and then one with Kate where I realized she was an amazingly sweet person *huggles*

That's enough rambling. Now imma go watch Det Stille Ydre and prolly be dissapointed cuz the reviews kinda sucked. And later I'll make buns and eat myself to death - only not cuz hey....it's my bday in TWO DAY    (I feel old.....)